


Going Home

by Tuiwil



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Slight fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-14 09:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4560093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuiwil/pseuds/Tuiwil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Daithi de Nogla's temporary visa expires, he must return to Ireland, leaving behind San Diego and his friends whom he has spent the last five months becoming attached to. His experience in the U.S.A. was so memorable, however, that he already has his heart set on coming back to live alongside his best friend, Lui Calibre.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

"Come with me to lunch," the words slipped from Lui's mouth as he leaned against the doorframe of Daithi's room, arms crossed against his big chest. 

Nogla glanced up from his folding, looking somewhat skeptically towards his friend and his more-than-questioning use of tone. To be honest, though, Daithi shouldn't have even second guessed the demand that caught him off guard, as his best friend was always known for his forward demeanor, a trait Daithi wished he, himself, was a little more inclined to expressing. And it wasn't as if the request was an unwelcome one, especially after the particularly rough morning he'd had so far. "Where are we goin'?" 

The slight upturn of the left corner of Lui's mouth was a pleasant change, a force of stabilization that was slowly draining away the grey that had settled in earlier, infusing vivacity back into Daithi's world. "Wherever you wanna go, bitch. It's one of your last days here, so I leave it up to you."

The thought came to Nogla instantly, which didn't surprise him in slightest, as it was probably going to be the thing he missed most about San Diego, besides the constant presence of his best friend that is. "Mexican food. We can go somewhere in Old Town and then just hang around afterwards."

Lui quirked up an eyebrow before leaning his left shoulder back and opening up the doorway slightly, indicating to Daithi that he was ready to leave whenever. "Don't you have to finish up packing tonight before your flight tomorrow morning?"

Nogla rolled his eyes as he pushed up off his bed and led the way downstairs, not failing at gently brushing past Lui's forearm in the process, causing the slightest, almost unnoticeable, fluster to creep into his voice as he responded. "That don't mean I can't hang out wit' you! Plus, I'm almost done with my clothes, and I can't pack my toiletries until tomorrow." Daithi's hand came to rest on the handle of their front door, while he pondered the words he considered speaking next. 

"Nogla? What's up?" Lui asked with a tinge of concern. 

It was then that Daithi turned around and enveloped him in hug as warm as the lazy afternoon, summer sun that they had shared memories under all the months prior. His chin rested upon his smaller friend's head and he had to bite back the stinging that scratched at the back of his throat. His eyes pressed closed, damming off the imminent tears as he grumbled, "I'm gonna miss ye," with a voice rough as bark. 

Lui sank into his arms, breathing in the musk of his tall, Irish friend, a scent that had always reminded him of trees and rain and the sea, a scent of his friend's home in a place that he had never been to before, half a world away. Even when the words failed him in that moment, Lui had to console his friend, had to convey that he felt the same and that the next month would be just as hard for him. He wrapped his arms around a skinny waist, pressed his fingers into the soft cotton, and squeezed gently, sensing the fragility of his friend and not wishing to break him any further. The moment seemed suspended, much like all those slow days by the pool where silence was their comfortable blanket, and it was that notion of being in such close proximity of one another that always put their thoughts to sleep, only to be relevant another day. But that was the difference between then and now, because if it was any consolation to one another, they both couldn't forget that this was some of the last contact they would have for a while. Their minds refused to offer that little reprieve, if even for a minute, and that was why they held on to that one hug for longer than either ever intended. 

Lui knew he was walking a fine line, however, an edge that would gradually steepen off into despair for his friend who was already struggling in climbing said slope; and Lui knew he couldn't deal with the bumbling, sobbing mess that Nogla would become when he tumbled down that cliff, because he, himself, was too selfish to move over to give him the space. So it was with gripping contradiction that Lui whispered into his friend's shirt, "Let's go get you that Mexican food, huh?" before loosening his arms and letting them come to rest at his own side. 

Daithi caught his friend's eyes in that instance and didn't even need to see his infamous smile to know that his aura had turned to one of consoling and support. It was the strength he needed to fend off the tears that threatened to charge away without his permission, and that feeling of absolute comradery elicited the smallest smile from a man who felt like he was about to lose everything. 

Whatever was exchanged between the two in that interaction was exactly what Nogla needed to find content with the rest of his day. His unmistakable laugh was genuine when Lui made an inappropriate remark on a passing billboard while they were on their way into Old Town; his spirited singing was pure as he hand-picked songs off of his phone to hype up their drive; his low hum and half-closed eyes were satisfied as he ate his delicious green chili, chorizo burrito at some hole-in-the-wall restaurant that they frequented often; his disingenuous glare was completely non-malicious as Lui refused to let him pay for the meal, or even get the tip for that matter; his grin was true as their feet wandered them aimlessly into little, local stores where they feasted on Mexican cola and the few candies that Daithi didn't think were complete shit, making sure that every new memory was categorized with pictures, some of which went on Twitter against Lui's will; his groans were playful as Lui had the nerve to troll him and fling his neatly folded clothes that were already tucked away in his suitcase about his room, after which he would swear that he re-packed at least five times that evening; and his day ended up being just as perfect as all the previous ones he had here in America.

=^.^=

A knock on his door had startled Daithi out of the train of thought he was having his last morning in this house. “Come in,” he spoke, his voice a little rough from having only woken several minutes prior. 

Lui had only half opened the door, before side looking into what was now an emptied room, one that was a soft greyish white that reflected off of all the big furniture pieces that were being left behind. “I’m assuming you want some food before your flight? What would you like?” The question was innocent enough, but the way Lui had uttered the words, as if he was walking upon thin ice in a darkened cavern, didn’t settle right in the furthest crevices of Daithi’s mind. 

“Ah, maybe pancakes or somethin’. I really don’t care what we eat.” The response itself had prompted something within Nogla to get his legs to move out from under the thin sheet, a switch that had set him on autopilot as he moved around his room to gather up the few things he needed before heading to the bathroom. It was strange seeing his dresser so empty save for the one pair of boxers he had left behind for this momentous day, and it was as equally bitter to slide open his closet only to be met with empty hangers that clanged hollowly against one another as he took his last t-shirt and pair of dark grey jeans with him. Nothing was as deafening as the click of the door becoming flush with its frame, however, an action that had isolated Nogla into this little cube that he could no longer call his own. It was the reverberation of his heavy sigh, a sound that sent shudders down his spine, that pulled Daithi to his door and out of that room completely so that he could shower and dress, but most importantly, escape that haunting feeling that tugged at his vision. 

The smell of batter cooking wafted up the staircase as Daithi climbed down them, adding some much needed cheeriness to his disposition. The silence in the kitchen was crackling apart with the sizzle of the griddle and with the greeting Nogla threw at a sleepy Droidd who was leaning against their island, waiting to be fed. “G’morning, David. Don’t speak to me until I have some food and coffee, please. It’s way too damn early,” Arlan mumbled into the sleeve of his hoodie, looking as if he didn’t get a wink of sleep the night before. Nogla patted his head and joined him at the bar, grinning towards the chef of this meal who seemed all too concentrated on the sole pancake that was darkening on the stove top. The silence settled into the gaps once again, punctuating the clatter of the spatula against the pan and the hissing of the food that they were all delectably anticipating. 

“What do you want to drink, Nogla?” Lui asked, finally turning around and looking his best friend square in the face for the first time that day. His eyes seemed softened around their edges, hard lines a thing of mysteries and faraway places. 

“Uh… J-just juice is fine,” Daithi exclaimed, breaking the eye contact that was too caring for his soul to handle on a dreary day such as this. And it was this action that kick-started a morning that was bright along its borders, comfily warm and enveloping of the three friends, protective of fragile hearts and bruised minds. The feeling reminded Nogla of those corny, smiling suns that would cover advertisements of all of the most random household items ever, which was much appreciated despite the obvious cheesiness of the thought. 

Food became the catalyst for easy-flowing conversation that tumbled out of their mouths like clouds over a precipice. “So how did packing go for you?” Arlan glanced up at Nogla in between humongous bites of pancakes washed down with gulps of coffee. 

“Ah,” he began, hand instantly finding the nape of his neck, “it was a little rough goin’ yesterday morning having to pack up my computer and my guitar and most of my clothes and shipping them off. Almost as if that made everything final, ye know? But Lui helped out with my main luggage I’m taking wit’ me on the plane,” the last statement came out dripping with thick sarcasm, making Lui cackle a high-pitched titter. That earned him a soft glare and hearty chuckle from Nogla and a raised eyebrow from Arlan, who waved off the craziness of his friends as just that. “But uh, otherwise it’s been an easy process. Although I still can’t get over how cold my room feels now that nothing’s in it. It’s like it’s lifeless or something.” 

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to quarantine that shit off when you’re gone, dude. Or maybe I’ll move my computer in there and make it an office,” Lui replied smoothly, always quick on the response to anything anyone ever said.

“Or maybe I can make it my second home. We can be living buds, Lui,” Droidd smirked.

“Hey! Have ye guys forgotten that I’m planning on being back here in a month? I already have my appointment for my interview with the embassy in Dublin in like t’ree weeks.” The flushed response had Lui laughing with sincerity, patting Daithi on the shoulder and smugly crossing his arms. 

“Well I guess the sooner we get you out of here, the sooner we get you back, right, Nogla ol’ pal?” Lui laughed at his own berating banter that only made Daithi flush more and filled Lui’s own heart with even more pride than it could carry. 

“I can take the hint, Lui. Lucky for ye, I needed to finish getting everythin’ ready anyway.” Nogla stood and hauled his dirty dishes to the sink before heading up the stairs with a middle finger as his temporary farewell for his two dick friends whose chortles followed him in his footsteps. It was quick work to brush his teeth and wash and moisturize his face before sloppily throwing all his bathroom things into a little bag, which was then haphazardly tossed into his big suitcase only to become squished as he struggled to zip it closed. A grunt accompanied Daithi’s struggle to lift his now heavy luggage off the ground and into the hallway. He mentally told himself that he wouldn’t stay back and longingly give one last look upon his room, but his eyes were drawn to it, as if it were a car wreck that you couldn’t gaze away from. He couldn’t help the hitch in his breath and the slightly uncomfortable sweat that began brooding under his skin as he looked out over his average bed with plain, striped sheets that gave him some of the best sleeps of his life, or over his ugly, wooden desk that attacked his lanky legs whenever he tried to sit under it, or over his mismatched, darker woodened dresser that he couldn’t care less about, except for the fact that it no longer held his belongings. “It’ll only be a month,” the words came quietly, unsure of whether they were there to comfort the dead room or Nogla himself.

With a sigh, Daithi half lugged, half slid his suitcase downstairs, letting it hit the last end of the banister before landing with a thud against the hard floor. “Damn, like California needs any more earthquakes,” Droidd snickered out, burying his head in the crook of his sleeve. Nogla couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the terrible joke and looked expectantly over towards his two friends who hadn’t seemed to migrate any from their spots in the kitchen, indicating he was all set to go. 

“Come on, dude. Let’s get this dork to the airport,” Lui gestured towards the front door as he picked up his keys and moved past Nogla in order to start up the car out front. Daithi’s rash decision in that moment saw his feet moving towards the back door and the beautiful scenery beyond it for one last time. These desert mountains and gorgeous waters always tugged at something deep within his essence when he gazed upon them. It was the sunsets that left him breathless, painting the giant rocks in the warmest of colors and the sunrises that shed everything in the purest of lights, casting anew the earth and its life. Even the deep early mornings where warm black filled one’s entire being left him speechless and calmed. These were the times when he grabbed the neck of his guitar and played to his heart’s content, filling whatever small void there was with bliss. And now, as his feet padded along the deck, cheery brightness kissed his cheek one last time. Clear skies wished him safe travels and pleasant “see you later’s”. He knew then that he had an obligation to grace this scenery with his songs at a later time, a promise he was determined not to break at any cost. 

“It’ll only be a month,” the words slipped from between his lips, determined and sure that the man standing there would back up their notions. Nogla turned around and said his silent goodbyes to San Diego as a whole with hesitation in his hand as it came to rest on the door handle. But before he knew it, his fingers were no longer gripping the handle of the back door; they were barely grasping onto Lui’s passenger door, slightly shaking from the implications of their next movement. A sigh escaped him once more. He forced himself into the seat he had gotten comfortable with occupying for the last few months, finally coming to terms that he was to leave this city soon, so much sooner than he ever wanted to. 

The drive’s conversations seemed a little more strained than the one in the kitchen earlier. They were all trying their hardest to remain strong in a moment that allowed no room for doing so, and because of their contrived nature, the ride all too suddenly came to an end as Lui pulled up to the drop-off zone by the front doors of the airport. He cut the engine and popped the trunk open while his two friends exited the car, one for what would be the last time in a while. Arlan was already hugging Nogla with his luggage a few feet away. Their words went unheard by Lui who was too busy biting back tears and shutting the trunk with a much too forceful slam. When he looked up from the back of his car, he was met by the sight of his best friend waiting for him, glossy eyed. “Fuck, Nogla.” The words pushed him forward, breaking all of his restraints, and into welcoming arms. 

Daithi easily fell into motion, wrapping his arms around his best friend’s back, rubbing lines into his shoulders and gradually closing his eyes to let the emotions of the moment hit him like a brick. He felt desperation leak from Lui’s tears, staining his shirt in splotches. “It’ll only be a month,” Nogla said with such conviction that he felt it find home deep in his bones. The tone of his words stilled Lui, who looked up towards his friend’s eyes, and found such fierceness burning behind them, so much so that he no longer felt like a part of his life was slipping through his fingers like sand in the wind. He swallowed the sadness back into the pits of his stomach and flashed Daithi a grin that would make anyone swoon. 

Daithi crinkled his eyes and beamed back towards the person who made him feel so welcomed in a far part of the world he had never resided in before. This man before him was a support beam as wide as an entire fucking platform, and Nogla had been so stupid to have never even glanced downwards at it until this moment when he was being lifted away from it, leaving him in a floating sense of weightlessness. He had become so comfortable with their friendship that had been built up so high, because it had been so easy for him to. He never noticed the height and gravity of this all until he was so high above it, but rest assured he would do everything to become grounded in it all once again, settling into the deep foundation, walking towards this man, instead of walking away, becoming separated from him by stupidly smudged, moving glass doors. He swore to the harnesses pulling him further back that this blurriness that had narrowed his vision would only be brief, and that the next time he was walking through these automatic doors, his vision would be the clearest it had ever been as his eyes would fall upon a friend who had been god-sent. 

It’ll only be a month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I did it… I started my first fanfiction that I’ve ever committed myself to, and to be honest, as many flaws as there are that are glaringly obvious to me in my read through, I’m actually super proud of the work I’ve created here. I can only hope that some of you are as equally excited as I am for the rest of this fic, because I plan on making it a long one. :3
> 
> I tried as hard as I could to create a balance in my use of emotions, because I’m someone who’s a huge promoter of positivity, but fair warning: I won’t be able to keep up the happiness in every single chapter from here on out. So hopefully this won’t deter anyone from reading this any further (though I completely understand if you’re not in the mindset to do so, I won’t hold that against you; I’ll also try to warn you if a chapter is particularly rough).
> 
> Otherwise, I hope you’re having a fantastic morning/afternoon/evening mystery reader, and I welcome everyone to my tumblr (wherebbsmeetsfandom.tumblr.com). If you ever want to talk or ask me a question or even just chill, I’m always here. Go out and conquer your life like the strong little warrior I know you are. ^.^ Peace!


	2. Chapter Two

The drive home felt emptied and drained to Lui, the sound of tires on asphalt muffled and the engine revving a million miles away. His heavy hands and feet reacted slowly, autopilot being the only force directing him forward. Colors began blurring on the ends of his sight, blending into muddied browns and dirtied greys that were only temporarily erased whenever he squeezed his eyes shut for longer than a moment. And the fuzziness that was dulling his senses also began casting a bright spotlight upon that last memory of him and Nogla at the airport, right before his friend stepped out of view. He could still feel those lanky arms pressing firmly around him, cocooning him into a nest of shared sorrow and comfort and homeliness. He couldn't help but envision that beamingly crooked smile that held such convicted words on a precipice of lips that he knew he could get used to looking over. Yet, it was those five words that rang clearest in his ears, even now, words that strung him out to dry like laundry flapping about in the grace of an unbearably wicked sun with the promise of an ocean of relief at the end of the line. It’ll only be a month.

He heard his name being called out from somewhere that felt much like the beaches of his hope, if the shifting sand building in between his toes was any indication. The sound coming from that disembodied voice wasn't Irish enough, however, and that made his eyebrows furrow and his search to become skeptic, eyes scanning what seemed to be a void of nothingness. It was a particularly harsh "Lui" that had him reeling back to a bleak reality, suffocating in the air that suddenly engulfed him in fury. Eyes refocused on the dash and windshield in front of him, registering a traffic light that was shining green before him and the cars that were honking behind. His foot hit the accelerator for him out of dreadful sympathy, allowing him just enough thinking capability to acknowledge the concerned face that dominated his peripheral at that moment. The slight tilt of his head in Droidd's direction prompted the question from the younger man that had Lui's heart fluttering in a shower of gratitude. "Wanna come chill at my place for a few days?"

Lui nodded the tiniest of okays, afraid of what would collapse inside if he made any exaggerated motion, especially one so obviously laced with positive assertion. He was beyond grateful of this offer, however, their mutual, unspoken respect aware of the impossibility of Lui to request that of Droidd himself, or to even respond any further than he had for that matter. And Arlan not provoking further conversation was clairvoyance gifted to Lui thoughtfully, a silence he used to prepare himself mentally for the onslaught of memories bound to crowd him the instant he stepped into Nogla’s and his place. He had to constantly reassure himself that he’d only be in the small space for several minutes, just long enough to grab the essential things and head back out again. 

It was only with the echoes of Daithi’s last words ringing throughout their home, a promise that Lui would cling to for the next month, that he was able to enter a now quiet living room without his heart ripping cleanly in two. He had never liked the thought of being alone, and that aspect of him wasn’t solely attributed to the fact that he thoroughly enjoyed the company of other living, breathing humans with genuine feelings either; he genuinely had an irrational fear so deeply rooted into the sinews of his being that had everything to do with him being abandoned by everyone he held dear to him, and he never truly understand what circumstances had kindled that irrational terror within. But he had to smother those flames now if he ever wanted to go back to his car and a waiting Arlan, composed and ready to regain some of his sprightliness that never failed to make himself laugh. So with a head held as high as he could hold it, filled with all its weighty thoughts, Lui fished out a few shirts and boxers, along with his toothbrush and toothpaste, before stuffing them into one of the minor pockets of his backpack, which already held his laptop and charger. He raced downstairs to grab his phone charger that still held its home on the kitchen counter before giving their place, his place, a once over and a sigh. 

This was going to be a difficult month. 

=^.^=

The nerves charged up with every step that Daithi took further away from his friends, making his heart race and fingers twitch with electricity. It took everything in him to go through baggage check-in with steadied hands and a smile on his face, as his mind withered away into a chaotic mess of what ifs. His eyes were pools of circular distraught, brimming with contempt of a system that didn’t allow him to stay in the U.S. longer and speckled with sadness, already missing the people who had made this foreign destination feel like such a home. Who knew of how his grim aura had started affecting those around him, as he dragged weak limbs further into his own abyss? 

He finally arrived at his gate after numbingly proceeding through a customs process that was already slipping from his memories straight into a pile of unwanted trash that he would never paid head to. A seat next to several outlets called out for him and he gladly took it, yanking his backpack flush against his chest, exhaustion clinging on to him as if it were afraid of drowning in the sea of tears that his own mind had generated. He looked for slight reprieve by scrambling for his phone in his pocket, pleading for his thoughts to find an ounce of enjoyment in the distraction. Unfortunately for Nogla, his Twitter happened to be fairly barren, seemingly too early in the day for any of his friends to actually put forth effort in any social media. He composed a tweet for his followers, letting them know that he would be responding to comments on his latest Prop Hunt video and praying that his biggest support group wouldn’t fail at lifting his spirits somewhat. 

An unexpected chuckle rose from his lips when he opened his YouTube app and newest video and saw that the top comment was some stupid new variation of the “Hoodini” joke that was still alive months after that fateful video had hit Evan’s sub boxes. Nogla appreciated them, as much as any other good pun, much to the chagrin of all his friends, and he figured that his friend’s slightly annoyed reactions were probably why he enjoyed seeing them everywhere that much more. He decided to give a potato to those who wrote anything to do with the joke before moving on to the comments that were more geared towards his actual video or him himself. 

His mood lifted significantly as he saw all of the kind words, the praise billowing into his heart like clouds of puffy airiness. He let his fingers type out thanks and hearts and smiles to let his subscribers know that he saw them, recognized them, and appreciated them for keeping him afloat all these years. He was still shell-shocked to this day, looking back at how his life opened before him, a trail of spongy, dewy moss carved out especially for him in between fantastically olden trees that showered him in peaceful, green light amongst a world of monotony. All of these people were his leaves and twigs, undergrowth and flowers, all of the things that gave his little world life and sustenance, and he never knew if he could portray the fullness of what that meant to them all. 

The intercom hissed as it came on, piercing through Nogla’s reverie. “The plane for flight 1071 set for Newark has just landed at Gate 23. The boarding process will begin as soon as the passengers from the previous flight have been let off and all of those passengers with a blue, handicap pass have been allowed ample time to board. Thank you for all of your cooperation in advance.” He looked down at his phone’s screen, seeing the half-written message unsent to one Mr. “Steak Lord” and kicking himself mentally for forgetting the witty reply he had thought up for him. With his thumb hitting the backspace, erasing the forgotten message, he reached for his headphones from one of the front pockets of his backpack, convincing himself that his only escape now would be in music. Once the sounds of strings and drums occupied his expanse, swelling into his bones and lapping at his muscles, he pressed his phone off and took to drinking in everything around him. 

The people were most eye-catching, popping motion against the icy grey of the walls. His eyes caught sight of a slender girl with vibrantly purple hair first. She seemed to be slumped in her own little shell with her tatted legs pulled up against her chest, wrapped in arms hidden underneath an oversized hoodie. For having body language that reeked of being anti-social, her eyes were very telling, piercing into the souls of those she looked upon, seeing more than anyone else, and giving encouraging smiles to those who needed them while offering up smirks to those who were verging on the more playful side. She did neither when her gaze came to Daithi, intrigue sculpting her features. It felt like she was picking his brain with her own, a thin needle extending between them as she sewed into his head. After giving him a slight nod and an earth-shattering grin, she moved on to others just to repeat the process. 

Nogla continued to look out at all the unique people who were taking refuge at this airport for a few hours, a little shaken up by his first encounter with that strange girl, but still determined to people-watch, nonetheless, so that he could kill the last few minutes he had on American soil. But sooner than he had hoped, the flight attendant was calling up each group to board the aircraft, and he was pulling on his backpack and entering the metal tube that would soon be carrying him far away. He approached his seat, an aisle one much to his favor, and made himself comfortable, settling in with his music flitting around him and thoughts kept neatly tucked away for the time being. 

He couldn’t help but stare out the pocketed window to his left, eyes never leaving the tarmac, or the mountains that sped past upon acceleration, or the tilted skyline that only diminished beneath him, or even the sky that reflected the life that bloomed below. It wasn’t until they finally breached past the field of cottony clouds that he felt detached, eyes coming to rest on his hands that were muddled against the grey of his jeans. That had been that. He had finally fragmented away, a dandelion plucked away from its grassy vastness, drifting away into oblivion. And he hadn’t expected those tears that had so readily fell, sizzling off of his burning face only to splash against his curled up hands. 

All he could do was concede to this fate, and his eyelids fluttered closed, lashes glistening against his cheeks, dewy with loss. His teeth caught against his bottom lip, preventing trembles from escaping, while his foot bounced against the ground, fueled by some pent up energy that triggered his mind to tussle about. He was transported into the middle a dirt track, high beam lights biting into the dust clouds that were wafting about. When he became accustomed to the choking clouds, he noticed the rotting bleachers on the edges of the track, hosting crowds of silently screaming thoughts, tumbling off over rails into bottomless pits as they fought and argued against one another. Their hectic nature was trivial compared to the junker cars that were barreling into each other all around him, metal scraps flying over his head and wheels whizzing by. What made him the most anxious was not the inevitable doom that was crashing ever closer, however. It was the utter absence of screeching brakes and charged yells, sounds he was clawing to hear any ounce of. 

Chills wracked his body then, as the most melodic note from a distant violin cracked through the façade he was facing, and with it came a symphony of guitars and pianos with a soloist vocalist ringing above them all. The resonances dredged themselves into everything, sparking against rusted fenders, separating tumbling heaps of thoughts, flickering into the circuits of the blinding lights, and digging in between his kneecaps, bringing him crashing to the ground, sputtering the bitter dirt from his roughened tongue and sobbing. A distraught gasp finally found its way to his ears just as the instruments paused for a singular beat, pulling back their assault before crashing once more into his chest full-throttle. Everything was too much. His senses were being bombarded, and he felt his nerve ends becoming split like a rope uncording into its many twines, and he was sobbing ugly, thunderous sobs that deadened into the grit below.

He couldn’t breathe. That was the worst of it all, that his lungs contracted inwards and never expanded back. And as much as he tried to squeeze his eyes tight in an attempt to block out the overloaded stimuli just long enough to catch back up with himself, the images of the maelstrom only reappeared in his mind’s eyes, digging his grave deeper. He was sinking into it, as well, any struggle to climb out of his pit only causing rumbling cave-ins to suffocate him faster. Desperation bled from his pores, coloring the brown with tar that smelt putrid in the back of his mouth, only making the air cooked with more toxicity. 

“Excuse me, sir?” The gentle touch of a hand on his shoulder sucked him back from his nightmare, gasping and fawning for reality and any semblance of safety it panders. He fumbled against the clasp of his seat belt, feeling too constrained, before staring up at the flight attendant who saved him from his thoughts. “Sir, are you ok?” Her words weren’t working on his ears, walled off by the dust that was still settling into the fissures that ripped open in the escapade. His thoughts didn’t help, only kicking up more grime as they tried to stumble away from the nightmare that still loomed ominously. At seeing the clipboard in her hands, Daithi responded with what he thought was an appropriate response. “Just water is fine.” He then pushed out of his chair, ambling towards the bathroom at the back of the plane with legs that were about to give out at any second, and he couldn’t care less about the personal bubbles he was breaking when he clung to the backs of seats for support. 

When he finally reached the bathroom and locked himself in, he shakily reached for the facet, urgently needing water to wash away the panic that had screwed itself into notches far too sunken in his brain. He couldn’t even identify his reflection in the mirror, splotches reddening his skin and gaunt, hollowed cheeks making it appear as if had just arisen from his death bed. He took several minutes just getting his breath in check, wading back to a tide that he could dip his feet in comfortably without fearing of being pulled under. Once he could wrench in long gulps of sweet air, he did, breathing in time with the buzzing light that reflected a piss poor yellow onto everything he saw, and it was making him nauseous despite the flood of oxygen that was finally returning to his tissues. 

With one last splash of his face, he mustered up whatever emotion was in reach to push himself back out into the array of many faces, all too seemingly concentrated on him the moment he spilled from behind the door. He shuffled back to his seat as quickly as he could, clenching onto the armrests with such ferocity as he lowered himself painstakingly slowly against the faded, overused fabric that itched at the back of his neck, wrestling with the peachy fuzz that sprouted there. He leaned down for his abandoned phone that he hadn’t even realized got lost in the fray, too disheveled to be embarrassed for himself. This time, he ensured that the tunes coursing into his consciousness hoisted him out amongst the clouds wandering around him, loftiness wafting his mind into drifts of softness, cushioned in mist. 

For the next few hours, Nogla enriched himself in these numbing practices, living in his Pokémon world on his 3DS, or humming some song that painted him in front of a warming hearth before glowing bricks, or poking fun at some silly romantic comedy that felt unrealistically cheesy and all the more amusing because of it. He felt his anxiety ebb out into the horizon, long gone to the breeze, sails limp as his thoughts stilled on the water’s surface. By the end of the flight, he finally felt calmness lap at his feet, his weary legs grateful for the lull as they brought him out into an open space once more. He took the hour layover he had to do his due diligences: going to the restroom, grabbing a bite to eat, and stretching out aching limbs. 

It wasn’t until he was back at a new gate, waiting for his que to board his next, and last, plane by an outlet currently charging his phone that he decided to return to his video’s comment section. His heart jumped into his throat as he saw one of the newest top comments. “Hey, bitch” with 317 thumb-ups shined up at him, smiling in the form of a black and white photo of his friend wearing a snapback and a hoodie; the punch to his gut was faltering. Just the idea that his friend had jumped on the bandwagon to entertain Nogla during his boredom at the airport had him falling into a mixed bag of emotions once more. 

“Fock you, Lui,” he muttered, the saddest smirk befalling him. Why was it that his friend always relentlessly teased him? And why did he thrive on it? He felt like some masochistic bitch that fawned too often over the affection of a friend. But the unnerving thing was that he didn’t mind it, as self-deprecating as it was. He shook his head as it fell back against his chair, chuckling at his stupidity. 

The static voice of the attendant cracked open his fragile daydream, speaking unclearly about the boarding of flight 798-something, and he pushed off once more, deciding that now wasn’t the time to ponder the dynamic of their relationship, especially when it was a notion he wouldn’t have to face again for another few weeks. He just wanted to be home again, away from the loneliness of the day that left his voice raw with disuse and back into the routine of playing video games with his friends and interacting with his subscribers. Luckily, his worn mind had finally agreed with his wishes, easing him into sleep, however restless it was what with the cramped space and persistent turbulence. It wasn’t until their altitude was dropping that his consciousness returned to him in full, hours later. And it was a foggy Irish sunrise that blinked at him through his window, greeting him from his five month sojourn. 

He was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi… So here’s the next chapter that many of you have been excited about. I don’t know what happened with this chapter at all to be honest. I had a lot of highs and lows writing this, and it’s probably blatantly obvious when you read through it. The flow feels choppy at times and the progress of the plot in general is pretty irregular, but I don’t really know how to even begin fixing this. So I hope you don’t mind that this journey is just as much as my personal progress as a writer as it is your journey through the story and characters and their emotions. 
> 
> But anyway, this is where I sign off with a goodnight (because honestly I feel like I could sleep for a week after writing this wreck). I hope you’re all doing fantastically in your lives, wherever you are in this crazy world. Own your happiness and fight on, my little warriors, because you have my heartfelt love backing you in all of your endeavors. <3


	3. Chapter Three

The next few hours were blurred, minutes that scattered out from the storm’s front in wisps and flurries. The unpredictability of it all dug under Daithi’s nails, and the grittiness seeped into his shoes, as he sunk through customs and baggage claim and then the car ride home from Shannon. He couldn’t even distinguish when they left the city and hit the flat, expansive country side that stole his spirit. It was out there somewhere, skipping about in the morning glory of the long grasses that drummed against skin, and he was left in the back seat of his parent’s car, answering their questions offhandedly and mumbling of exhaustion when pestered. The water-spotted window pane felt so thickly oppressive in this moment of vertigo, a barrier to the fields that he wished he could fall into in the same way he did whenever he was younger. They had always been his guardian from his many siblings, always embracing and enshrouding him from everything except the universe itself. 

It felt surreal to be pulling up to his old apartment, an empty shell of a life that felt years ago. When his few bags failed to even begin filling a single room, he heaved a sigh, hoping to infuse the space with some of the life it had been sapped of for the last several months. The chill that matured into the tiles and settled around dusty corners nipped at his skin when he finally shed himself of his hoodie, forcing him to open windows in hopes of inviting in any warmth, however misty and humid it may have been. The sporadic rays of light that filtered in through the rolling fog caught upon the shuffled dust that jumped up in his presence, and for whatever reason, he was reminded of freckled, honeyed eyes with the way that they glittered as they danced around him. His lithe fingers glided through the air, disturbing their flow, and whenever he thought too long about grasping a handful of the gold, the quicker they slipped away, avoiding his clunky clutch for their more elegant traipse.

His low chuckle was every bit directed towards the futility in his attempt as it was in his lapse in focus, and he forwent this silly play to finally begin unpacking his clothes and other necessities that were haphazardly stuffed into his luggage. It wasn’t until he pulled out his laptop from his backpack, after tiring of folding his shirts and hanging pants, that he was reminded of his best friend and that comment he had left him back at the airport in Newark. He reasoned it would be appropriate to finally check in with him, let him know that he was safely back in Ireland and settling back into whatever sloppy routine he could muster. The bright screen washed him in a cold light that contrasted heavily with the soothing glow that had cradled him all morning, funneling his focus towards the one mission he had set himself upon.

As he pulled open Skype, he skimmed through his thoughts for the perfect words that would bring about reassurance for Lui. The mush that was his mind, however, only prompted flimsy, incoherent sentences that he was too exhausted to actually proofread before sending. It was that lack of formality between the two of them that Nogla had always ached for, that simplicity to just be uninhibited and open with someone else without fear of being judged, and it was also why he claimed Lui as his best friend above everyone else. 

The response he received was unexpected, as the obnoxious tones of the Skype ringtone echoed throughout the unoccupied space. He cleared his throat in hopes of biting down the sudden anxiousness that rose like bile, clicking the accept button with fidgeting inaccuracy. His breath hitched when he noticed that it was a video call on top of it, Lui’s tired face appearing alongside the words, “’Sup Nogla” that fell out in a mumble.

“Ah… Give me one second,” his voice hoarse from all the emotions that had assaulted him in the last day, twisters of destruction that disheveled his already cluttered mind. 

When his camera flickered on, revealing an equally exhausted face to his friend, Lui let out a hearty laugh. “Damn, you look sick. And I don’t mean that in the good way.” 

“Why don’t you look in the mirror, focker. You look disgusting. Shouldn’t ye be asleep anyway? It’s like 4 am there.”

Lui’s eyes drifted to the corner of his screen, searching for the time, before replying. “You know I’m nocturnal, dude. But anyway, how was your flight?”

The deliberation to lie scurried across his thoughts, bringing with it the knowledge that as soon as the words came, Lui would stiffen with worry. Stress was already dragging him through quicksand, as was seen by the change of locale in the background. Company had always been salvation for Lui, and the fact that he was staying with Arlan at the moment said a lot about the weight that was pressing his shoulders into a furrow and stitching his eyebrows into a scrunch. What right did he have to pile on more, forcing his own baggage onto the back of the one person who seemed to be carrying the world? 

Simultaneously, however, he was laced with a toxin that was drawing the remembrances from the plane through his veins, his anecdote a simple flick of his tongue laced with what would be poison to Lui. The knowledge that his friend would see through the lie and that the confession would bring relief pounded against his temples, begging for an out, and his bottom lip was the dam against this flood of thoughts, teeth biting into the skin in a poor attempt of reinforcing a wall that was reverberating from the sheer force of the waves. It was the slow over-pour of liquid that coated every inch of every facet in its wake that brought him his saving decision to just come clean. 

As he rehashed his panic attack to Lui, he felt the ebb beginning to seep beneath the roads, billowing out sinkholes and gullies in his heart, quickly filled by an overwhelming feeling of being swallowed up. He wasn’t sure when his hands begun to shake, or even when he started cradling himself up into the crevices of his shitty office chair, but he recognized the determination in his voice that wanted to just get the gritty details out on the table as swiftly as possible. As predicted, all the telltale signs of concern etched their way into Lui’s features as the rant babbled onward, and some voice deeply buried underneath all the rubble from the torrential storm screamed for Nogla to stop.

When his retelling came to an end, the words clipped off into a string of silence strewn between them through their repulsively bright screens. The only thing that could sizzle between the chinks was the deep breaths being emitted from Daithi who was in the process of easing his nerves into slithering, manageable currents rather than the charged sparks they were currently. He needed some kind of response from Lui to help flatten the frays, but he was only met with an intense glare that hid blustery thoughts. 

“L-Lui…?” The word a whisper that fluttered in the air, dissipating into millions of flecks.

But somehow it managed to lodge into Lui’s head, built anew like clay in the hands of a child whose imagination wanders with abandon. His features softened along with his pondering; it seemed as if he wanted every word he was about to speak to be laced with as much deliberation as he could muster. “You know that distance doesn’t change anything between us, right? Nogla, you’re still my best friend, and as much as it sucks that you had to go back to Ireland for another month, I’m still here for you just as much as before.” The sincerity hung off the corner of his eyes, taut with candor, and the shifting pools of color of his iris caught Nogla off-guard.

Daithi swallowed the lump that stuck in his throat, giving it his all to stuff away this overwhelming emotion while still maintaining some composure. He hadn’t really understood why he let this move affect him so dearly, and now that he was sitting here and talking to Lui who had zero hesitation in actually calling him, he was accepting the reality that a month apart wasn’t as god awful as he’d made it to be. And the hint of uncomfortableness that settled into the pit of his stomach became unforgotten, a thing swept under the rug never to be remembered. “Thanks, Lui. I’ means a lot.”

The rest of their day was spent in one another’s company, basking in a friendship that was so effortlessly simple that it snuggled into their hearts like a kindling hearth. They didn’t need complicated words or flourishing engagements in order to resonate with each other; understanding was always telepathically present, attached by tethers, a tightrope of firmly knitted thread with edges smooth. But this balancing act was so basic, and they never needed to do anything more than steady their arms to get across, making it look as if it were child’s play to any one observer. And maybe it was child’s play, this lazing around in pajamas and enjoying video games to their heart’s content. And maybe there was some safety net tucked far below and out of sight, gridded in angles and complications that neither addressed because of the humble fact that ignorance was bliss. 

=^.^=

It had been several days since Nogla had departed for his home country. Lui had just begun his attempt at adjusting to an emptied home, usually calling upon his Irish friend whenever he needed that reconfirmation that he wasn’t alone, even if he happened to be so physically. The frequency of their time online together had increased tenfold the instant Lui insisted that he overstayed his welcome at Arlan’s and emigrated back to his own abode, fear of being too cumbersome his driving motivation. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to complain about the new accommodations he had made for himself: he awoke to an eager Nogla wanting to play endless amounts of games and fell asleep to video chats that usually consisted of an already passed out Daithi. He even got the opportunity to reboot his channel with much more quality content that he was realistically proud of. 

But this one morning was slightly different from the rest. Half of their nights always ended up in Skype calls that never ended, ticking along the hours they shared in restful sleep. It had almost become a subconscious habit of Lui’s to purposefully forget to end the call once he was ready to settle into peaceful sheets, rather enjoying the fact that on those days, he would always wake to the continuation of said call, and maybe it had been the same force that had stayed his fingers at night that halted Daithi’s in the morning. 

The wafting strums of pure music was a new occurrence, however, and the way it had coaxed Lui out of his slumber was magical. Early morning light had breached through the gaps in the blinds, tickling his eyelids and caressing his blurry vision that was still coming into focus. His torpor left him gradually, gliding out subtly onto the rays of light that touched his skin and waving its goodbye through the sheen. Opulence took its place via the chords he was hearing, the notes that dissolved amidst the light, saturating the dawn with sweetness. Their vigor bolstered him, giving the blankets that cradled him soft tendrils of warmth that snaked in between his fingers and kissed the hairs on the back of his neck.

He was finally able to bring his attention around to the dim picture of Nogla, half cropped out and all but looking Lui’s way. His eyes seemed to be drifting between looking down at the graceful movements of his hands against the frets and up towards the monitors of his computer, which undoubtedly had scores displayed all over it. Lui couldn’t help but marvel at what he was witnessing, and when his friend began to hum lyrics under his breath, he became lost in awe. It was like he was reveling in something intimate, a marvelous secret all his own, especially because Daithi had never let him watch before, always too nervous to ever perform in front of a live audience. And so he lay there, with eyes always trying to catch glimpses of little mannerisms whenever they weren’t putting up a front, pretending to protect a sleeping mind. 

He willed Nogla to come more in view, to fill the space on his screen with moving limbs and biting lips and concentrated expressions, yet he knew the implications, the risk, he would be taking if that were to happen. He would lose the moment, the charm shattering into millions of sharp crystals that cut deeply, drawing bad blood into the dust of the trust they had hoarded like a desert. It was never understood why Nogla was so adamant in having Lui be blind to his talent, particularly since he had always considered himself to be the closest to Daithi, but he respected the boundaries that he sketched into the dirt, knowing he was only allowed to cross certain lines. 

The time fell away from the two, buried under pillows and strings only to be forgotten. It wasn’t until Lui had an urge to use the restroom and regretfully shifted loudly to notify Daithi of his presence, that the sounds of music thinned into calming silence. He heard scurrying and bumping before he imitated waking up, exaggeratedly stretching limps and rubbing alert eyes, while noticing his friend return to his seat empty-handed. 

“G’morning, Lui.” Nervousness freckled his gaze which couldn’t quite meet his own. It seemed that Daithi was warily dancing around the idea that he might’ve been overheard.

Guilt turned bitter on the back of Lui’s tongue, burdening his senses with the knowledge that he invaded something he shouldn’t have. Temptation to come clean and face the consequences riddled through Lui’s mind, inching him closer to his screen in anticipation, forcing him to speculate on how Nogla would react to the news of him eavesdropping. But he couldn’t do it; whatever selfish tendency that tugged on his pounding heart had him steering abruptly away from the confession that tipped his tongue in righteousness. He couldn’t bear to see the obvious horror that would plague Daithi’s face or the fragility that would spring up between them; he knew that once those words spilled from behind his tongue, their laidback gait alongside one another would change into one of dissonance and instability, a pace of caution.

Before he could appear suspiciously in thought, he replied with a “What ’id I miss?” He bit down the twisting knife that lodged itself in his stomach at the heavy look of relief that Nogla unknowingly expressed. 

“Uh… nothing much. Just editing some stuff.”

Lui untangled himself from the soft cotton, every intention of getting to the bathroom sooner rather than later to process the trust he had just unwittingly severed. “Well, I’ll let you continue. I’ll be right back.” 

His reflection in the mirror glared back at him once inside, anger creasing his forehead and darkening his eyes. A quietly mumbled “What the fuck are you doing?” hung heavy within the small space, pushing his fingers into the edge of counter and against the cold porcelain of the sink. When he couldn’t stand to look at his image for a second longer, his hands unsteadily moved to the faucet, spilling chilled water, which he used to wash some of the tension away from his face. He continuously drowned himself in it, over and over again, in whatever hope to rinse this dense guilt down the drain. And maybe it was the temperature of the liquid seeping into his pores, but he felt a bit more refreshed and a little less weighed down. At the moment, he figured he could avoid the topic with ease, already prepared to sink into his routine, because he knew that one day, whenever all the stars aligned in his favor, he would admit to Nogla of the one morning where he awoke to him playing his guitar and sneakily listened for minutes on end. It wasn’t as if he would take this secret to the grave, and he discerned that forgiveness would be easier after time was allowed to erode away the sharp peaks and smoothen out the yawning crevices.

After finishing up his morning drill, he walked back to his room with a little more confidence in having to face Nogla, a little more able to cope with the gravity of his mistake. So it was a little shocking when he saw his friend sitting there, staring intently into the camera of his laptop, waiting for Lui’s return rather than working on a video. He hesitated before reappearing into view, instantly grabbing for a pillow to cling to as he asked, “What’s up, Nogla?’

He took a deep breath that fanned throughout his chest before beginning his disclosure. “There’s somet’ing I have to tell you, Lui.” Anticipation expanded through the pause that followed, growing more palpable with each passing second, and as soon as it seemed that Daithi was about to continue, a persistent ringing cut through the tension, breaking their eye contact and bursting the atmosphere that had encaged them both. Daithi looked around frantically for his phone, knowing that he was receiving a call by the sound of some anime theme song shrilling through the air. As soon as he caught sight of both his phone and the caller ID, he chanced a quick glance at the time in the corner of his laptop monitor before cursing and answering the call. 

“’Ello? Yeah… yeah oi’ll be out in a minute.” The conversation, however short it was, had enough substance to tell Lui that he was about to lose the presence of his friend, though he wished otherwise. The slamming of Nogla’s phone against his desk startled him out of that string of thoughts he had started to follow, and guilt peppered the words he heard next. “Fock, Lui… I completely forgot that I had lunch plans with my brother. I won’t be gone for too long; I’ll see ye in a few hours, ok?”

He could only nod in reply, realizing that he had no right to insist that he stay behind just to keep him company, even if that was what he wanted. “Don’t worry about it, dude. I’ll just work on some stuff while you’re gone.” The words felt flimsy and brittle as they clattered against his teeth, but the relief they brought Nogla was worth every hollow pit they left behind. He was given the quickest of smiles, painted with splashes of colorful appreciation and thanks, before the end of the call come upon him and he was left staring at a blackened screen. A sigh was everything that he could convey in that moment, indicative of the remorse that rattled his bones and the loss that infiltrated his nostrils. But what the sigh most represented was the stupor that pulled him into a dust devil of a tizzy, curiosity spinning around him and cutting into his exposed skin. What had Nogla wanted to tell him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovely little warriors! I am back at it with this third installment, and I cannot express just how much happier I am at this point in my life. If any of you noticed, or were wondering why this chapter was a little bit late, it was because I was in a pretty dark place in my mind just a week ago. But here I am, stronger than ever, and kicking some writing ass, and it’s all because of you gorgeous people who have been so supportive and caring here on my tumblr. It makes me realize that it doesn’t matter how many troubles you may have, as long as you surround yourself with positivity, you can mentally pull yourself out of a lot. 
> 
> So here I am, extending an offer to all of you reading this; if you ever need anything, whether it be advice or a distraction or an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, I am here and available. I want this community to become a giant interweb of love and positivity, and I will perpetuate that to the best of my ability. We’re all human beings who want to feel as if they belong somewhere and are important in contributing to the community that they are a part of, and I swear I will try my best to make you realize your potential. 
> 
> So with this message, I am signing off. I’ll be around to answer questions or anything else that you may want to come and talk to me about. I wish you all happy lives and great outlooks on life and smiles that hurt your face from their sheer intensity. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Well I did it… I started my first fanfiction that I’ve ever committed myself to, and to be honest, as many flaws as there are that are glaringly obvious to me in my read through, I’m actually super proud of the work I’ve created here. I can only hope that some of you are as equally excited as I am for the rest of this fic, because I plan on making it a long one. :3
> 
> I tried as hard as I could to create a balance in my use of emotions, because I’m someone who’s a huge promoter of positivity, but fair warning: I won’t be able to keep up the happiness in every single chapter from here on out. So hopefully this won’t deter anyone from reading this any further (though I completely understand if you’re not in the mindset to do so, I won’t hold that against you; I’ll also try to warn you if a chapter is particularly rough).
> 
> Otherwise, I hope you’re having a fantastic morning/afternoon/evening mystery reader, and I welcome everyone to my tumblr (wherebbsmeetsfandom.tumblr.com). If you ever want to talk or ask me a question or even just chill, I’m always here. Go out and conquer your life like the strong little warrior I know you are. ^.^ Peace!


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